I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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