Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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