you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
