i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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