How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
