sarcasm needs its own font
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
