She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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