I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Quick, to the slutcave!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
