so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
