***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
