He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
