we have officially lost it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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