i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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