you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
