Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize