Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
