we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
