Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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