and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everclear isn't food dammit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
