there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
