It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
