i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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