I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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