In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
