So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
