bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
