I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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