let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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