Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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