Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
