How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
