Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I just put wine in my tea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
