The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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