I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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