Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize