I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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