Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think your dad took our porno
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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