Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize