just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
