she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't deserve a penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
