If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
where are my eyebrows?
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