yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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