i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
