The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
