im gay
i know
yea but for you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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