I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
