What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
