I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize