If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
