During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
