I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I will be naked everywhere
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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