I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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