I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We left the knife in your bed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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