Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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