I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This baby is an asshole
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize