shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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