And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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