she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
