Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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