Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
