1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
