I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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