I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
