Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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