eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize