You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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