She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize