Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize