how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
