There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
