I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
