who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
