what day is it and did you see me today?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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