Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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