I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
