I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
