Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
