She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
